Indoorsy: adj. One who prefers the confinements of enclosed places over that of outside spaces or those that are mostly outdoors.

  1. You have repeatedly chosen a library or café over a park to work or relax in.
  2. You have ever uttered, “Can we go inside” from the sheer unadulterated need to be somewhere not out there.
  3. That one time there was a blizzard and you were stuck inside for five days, and you thought, “This is the best thing that has and ever will happen in my lifetime.”
  4. You have declined invitations upon finding out that the events were in the open air.
  5. You have gone outside, felt the typically normal conditions of wherever you live, determined them to be inadequate, and thought, “NOPE.”
  6. You feel bad for the characters in The Giver, cause their weather is always the same. No snow days. No it’s-raining-so-I’m-staying-inside days.
  7. One time someone asked you to garden with them and you snorted. Then politely declined.
  8. You know deep in your heart that nature is definitely a woman, because only a woman could craft something so enticing but ultimately destructive.
  9. You have gotten upset when people invite you to play sports as if you weren’t already content just sitting there, reading quietly with your tea and your cat.
  10. You jump every time a blade of grass rustles. Could be an ant. Could be a feral squirrel. Either way, no thank you.
  11. You appreciate farmer’s markets located near stores so you can duck in whenever the outdoors becomes too much.
  12. When you are inadvertently in nature and someone says, “Smell that fresh air,” you cannot help but roll your eyes and think, “Sure, but you know what else smells good? All those new books waiting for me in my apartment. And we don’t have to drive so damn far to find those.”
  13. When you meet someone new, if they say they are outdoorsy you cannot help but want to slowly moonwalk away before they discover you have nothing in common.
  14. You feel nothing but rage when you ask for directions and the person says the distance in miles. Like, cool, but can you tell me that in how many episodes of New Girl it would take?
  15. You love clothes with mountains, birds, and sunsets on them because wearing them makes you feel like you totally get what the fuss is about.
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